Wisdom through Age or Sheer Crankiness?

I was washing my hands in the bathroom when a twenty-something I know came in and brushed her teeth, apologizing for reasons I don't understand. The conversation went something like this:

Twenty-something: Sorry! I just hate feeling like when I talk to people they can smell my coffee breath.

Me: That's adorable. I'm like, 'If you can smell my breath, you're too close.'"

Twenty-something:.....

Me: What?

Twenty-something:.....

Me: (after washing my hands) Laterz.

The exchange prompted me to imagine my twenty-something self, and I realized, apart from the very hygienic teeth-brushing, I was like her to some extent. I was careful not to ruffle feathers or step on toes. Now people I know are laughing at this saying, "Yeah, right." And it was true, get me talking about a social injustice or a political belief, and all bets were off. With other aspects of my life, though, I could be very timid. Like most, I wanted people to like me, and I was self-conscious about some aspects of my looks and demeanor.

With age does truly come some wisdom. And with wisdom, comes some confidence. Do I have moments of insecurity now that I hit 40? Of course, I do, but I won't apologize for having an opinion or a voice.

I was one of those women who would go into a business meeting and apologize for any suggestion or comment. Every sentence started with, "I'm sorry, but..." Now, I use tact, but I don't apologize unless I've made a mistake or truly feel regret. I share my opinion, and if it doesn't work to solve a problem, no big deal. I do my best not to take it personally.

I regress occasionally (like with my subsidiary company's president when he looks perplexed at something I said), but I do a lot better. Most of that, I attribute to the life experience that comes with my age. With the filter of life experience, I recently read an article about how women tend to apologize for everything, including their own ideas. Not me. Not anymore.

That means, though, that I have to be prepared for the consequences when I'm wrong. Now that I know I won't curl up and die when things go south, I'm more willing to take calculated risks.

 I'm not old, but I'm older. I don't want to be a twenty-something again. I like who I am now. I've been through tough times and learned from them. I'm blessed with knowing who has my back and who doesn't. Even better, I'm in a position in life to support others.

With that in mind, I hope Twenty-something learns to stop apologizing soon. That young woman in the bathroom is brilliant and sweet and sure to have a bright future. I'll be keeping an expectant eye on her for big things. And I hope to be someone she can say helped her learn to stop apologizing for existing.